Why You Can’t Get a Date (Here’s the Math)

(Source: formerlyforeheadtittaes, via samalamabama)

(Source: formerly-vanpelt, via teachingliteracy)

I’m still five years away from turning 30 and I can safely say that I will not “achieve” nearly half of these tasks anytime soon. This list sounds more like an exaggerated excerpt from Eat, Pray, Love than it sounds like real life. You know, the life that includes wine, pizza and sweat pants on a Friday night.

I do love my meat lovers pizza. 

I believe in Cats and Cat Ladies.

Ask me anything

ritard:

just saw the last 20 minutes of “500 days of summer” and it made me want to vomit all over a flower

I was on the website of the Spanish store El Corte Ingles, and I had translated into English via the Google Chrome option.

Boyfriends? You really can get anything at El Corte Ingles.

“This is apparently the latest dance that your 6-year old cousin will be proudly showing you and your extended family at your Summer family reunion. The “Dick Slang” seems to be any sort of move that— when attired in basketball shorts or sweat pants— swings your dick around enough to see its outline and general floppiness. No longer will women have to wonder what’s waiting for them down there.” (via The#)

Yes ladies, they’re all single and clearly available.